Talking to children about worries, safety, or big feelings does not always work best as a formal sit-down conversation.
For many children aged 5 to 10, talking side by side during an ordinary activity can feel easier, safer, and less pressured.
That is because the child is not being placed under intense attention or expected to explain everything perfectly in one moment.
What side-by-side activities are
Side-by-side activities are simple shared moments where the adult and child are doing something together rather than facing each other in a formal conversation.
This might include:
- walking together
- drawing or colouring
- baking
- building something
- tidying
- sitting in the car
- playing with toys
- doing a puzzle
- sitting on a bench together
The activity is not there to distract from the conversation completely. It helps lower pressure and gives the child another way to stay engaged while they think.
Why this feels easier for many children
Children do not always find direct face-to-face conversations comfortable.
A formal talk can sometimes feel too big, too serious, or too exposing. Some children worry about saying the wrong thing. Others feel overwhelmed by too many questions, strong eye contact, or the sense that they are being watched closely.
A side-by-side activity can help because:
- the focus is shared
- the child is not under constant visual pressure
- pauses feel more natural
- the conversation feels less forced
- the child has time to think
- speaking can happen in smaller pieces
This often makes it easier for children to speak naturally.
Children often talk more in ordinary moments
Adults sometimes wait for the “right talk” instead of noticing the small openings that happen during everyday life.
But children often speak most freely when the moment feels ordinary.
They may open up:
- while walking home
- while colouring at the table
- during a car journey
- while building with blocks
- while helping in the kitchen
- during a calm classroom task
- while sitting next to a Safe Adult
These moments can feel safer because the child is not being told, directly or indirectly, that a very serious conversation is about to begin.
Side-by-side conversations reduce pressure
Pressure is one of the main reasons children shut down.
When a child feels they must answer immediately, explain clearly, or maintain a formal conversation, they may become quiet, silly, distracted, or defensive.
A side-by-side activity changes that.
It tells the child, without saying it directly:
- you do not have to do this perfectly
- we can talk gradually
- silence is allowed
- this does not have to feel like an interview
- I am here with you, not against you
That is especially helpful when a child is worried, embarrassed, confused, or unsure how to explain what they mean.
Activities can help children regulate while they talk
Some children think and talk better when their hands or body are busy.
A calm activity can help them regulate feelings and stay more settled during a difficult conversation.
For example:
- drawing may help a child feel calmer
- walking may release nervous energy
- building or colouring may help with focus
- sitting in the car may reduce the pressure of eye contact
- baking or tidying may make the conversation feel more natural
The activity is not a trick. It is a practical way to create a low-pressure setting.
This can help at home
At home, side-by-side activities can be one of the easiest ways to create safer conversations.
Parents and carers might notice that a child opens up more:
- after school while having a snack
- during play
- while getting ready for bed
- during a walk
- in the car
- while doing something creative together
Children do not always say, “I need to talk.”
More often, they give small signs or say something indirectly. Shared activities make it easier for adults to notice and respond without making the moment too heavy.
This can help in schools too
In schools, side-by-side communication can also work well.
Some children find it easier to speak with a Safe Adult:
- while walking around the playground
- during drawing or quiet table work
- while helping with a simple task
- in a calm room with an activity available
- during a settled check-in rather than a formal questioning style
This is particularly useful for children who feel anxious, embarrassed, or unsure how to begin.
A child may not talk more just because an adult asks more questions. Often they talk more when the pressure is lowered.
What adults should do during the activity
The activity alone is not enough. Adult approach still matters.
Helpful adult responses include:
- staying calm
- sounding interested, not intense
- allowing pauses
- not interrupting too quickly
- keeping questions simple
- letting the child talk in their own way
- not forcing the conversation further than the child can manage
The shared activity should support the conversation, not overwhelm it.
What adults should avoid
Some mistakes can turn a helpful activity into a pressured conversation.
Try to avoid:
- turning the activity into an interrogation
- asking too many direct questions too quickly
- forcing the child to keep talking
- making every shared activity feel like a hidden serious talk
- sounding shocked or frustrated
- correcting the child too much
- pushing for full explanations immediately
If a child says very little, that does not always mean the moment failed. It may still have helped them feel safer and more connected.
It is not about forcing disclosure
A side-by-side activity is not about getting a child to reveal something before they are ready.
It is about creating the conditions where they are more likely to feel emotionally safe.
Sometimes the child will talk.
Sometimes they will only hint at something.
Sometimes they will say nothing that day but may come back later.
That still matters.
When adults show they can stay calm, present, and low-pressure, children learn that talking is possible.
Why this matters for safeguarding and emotional wellbeing
Children are more likely to speak when adults feel safe to approach.
That matters for:
- everyday worries
- friendship problems
- school stress
- family changes
- upsetting experiences online
- questions about safety
- bigger safeguarding concerns
A child does not always start with a full explanation. Often they begin with a small comment in an ordinary moment.
Adults need to be ready for that.
Final thoughts
Side-by-side activities help children open up because they reduce pressure and make difficult conversations feel more natural.
For children aged 5 to 10, shared activities can create the kind of calm, safe, everyday moment where talking feels easier.
At home and in school, these low-pressure conversations can strengthen trust and make it more likely that children will speak again in the future.
Explore more online safety guidance in our Understanding Feelings & Communication section.
