Teaching children about online friends, in-game chat and messaging starts with one important message: not everyone online is known, safe, or telling the truth.
Many children aged 5–10 first come across online interaction through games, child-friendly apps, shared devices, video platforms, or simple messaging features. They may not think of this as “talking to strangers” because it can feel playful, casual, or part of the game.
That is why children need calm, practical guidance about who they are talking to online, what should stay private, and when to stop and tell a trusted adult.
Why online friends, in-game chat and messaging matter
For younger children, online contact can feel harmless very quickly.
A child may think:
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“They are just someone in my game.”
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“They seemed nice.”
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“They know the same game as me.”
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“They sent a funny message.”
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“They said we are friends.”
But online friends, in-game chat and messaging can create real safeguarding issues when children do not understand that people online may not be who they say they are.
Children also need help understanding that online contact can change quickly. A chat that starts as playful can become:
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too personal
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confusing
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pressuring
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secretive
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rude
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upsetting
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manipulative
This is why children need simple rules before problems happen.
Start with the difference between real-life friends and online contacts
One helpful starting point is to explain that not everyone a child talks to online is a real-life friend.
You might say:
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“A real-life friend is someone you know properly in the real world.”
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“An online contact is someone you may only know through a game, app, or message.”
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“Someone online may sound friendly, but that does not mean they are safe.”
Children do not need frightening language.
They need help understanding that online friendliness is not the same as trust.
A simple phrase can help:
Friendly online does not always mean safe online.
That gives children a useful pause before they assume too much.
Teach children what they should never share in chat or messages
When children use in-game chat or messaging, they need very clear rules about personal information.
Children should know not to share:
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their full name
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where they live
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their school
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phone numbers
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email addresses
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passwords
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photos of themselves
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videos of themselves
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their live location
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family details
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places they go regularly
It also helps to explain that children should not answer personal questions from someone online, even if that person seems friendly or says they are another child.
A good rule is:
If someone online asks personal questions, stop and tell a trusted adult.
Explain that children do not have to reply
Many children feel pressure to respond when someone messages them, especially if the message seems friendly, funny, or persistent.
That is why adults should say clearly:
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“You do not have to reply.”
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“You do not have to answer questions.”
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“You do not have to be polite to someone who is making you uncomfortable.”
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“You can stop, close it, and tell a grown-up.”
This is an important safety lesson.
Children often need permission to step away without worrying that they are being rude.
Online friends, in-game chat and messaging can involve secrets and pressure
A key warning sign for children to understand is when someone online starts creating pressure, secrecy, or confusion.
This may sound like:
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“Don’t tell your mum.”
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“This is just between us.”
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“You have to reply.”
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“Send me a picture.”
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“Tell me where you live.”
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“If you are my friend, you will…”
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“You are being mean if you don’t answer.”
Children should be taught that safe online communication does not involve pressure, threats, or secrecy.
Helpful phrases to teach include:
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“I’m not allowed to do that.”
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“I have to check with my grown-up.”
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“I’m telling an adult.”
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“I’m leaving this chat.”
These phrases give children something practical to use.
Teach children what to do if a message feels strange or uncomfortable
Children need a simple safety plan they can remember.
A useful one is:
Stop. Do not reply. Show a trusted adult.
That may mean:
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stopping the chat
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not answering more questions
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taking the device to a parent or carer
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telling a teacher if it happened through a school-related device or setting
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blocking or reporting with adult help
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saving evidence if needed
Children are much more likely to use a safety plan if they have heard it before the problem happens.
Help children understand that people online may pretend
Younger children often assume other users are exactly who they say they are.
That is why adults should explain in a simple, age-appropriate way that people online can pretend.
For example, someone might:
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say they are a child when they are not
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use a fake name
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pretend to like the same things
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act kind to gain trust
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ask questions for the wrong reasons
Children do not need a frightening lecture.
They need a clear message such as:
We do not know for sure who someone is just because they are in a game or message.
That message supports safer thinking.
What parents can say about in-game chat
Many children meet online contact first through games rather than obvious messaging apps.
This can make parents underestimate how much interaction is happening.
Helpful messages include:
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“Games can include real people.”
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“Chat in games still counts as talking online.”
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“You must check before replying to personal questions.”
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“If someone is being odd, rude, or secretive, come and show me.”
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“You do not move to another chat or app without checking first.”
This is especially important where games encourage players to team up, chat quickly, or add friends.
How schools can support this topic
Schools can help children understand online friends, in-game chat and messaging by linking it to wider lessons on:
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trusted adults
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personal information
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speaking up
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safe and unsafe secrets
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respectful behaviour
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pressure and manipulation
Simple role-play can help younger children practise what to do if:
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someone online asks a personal question
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another child shows them a message
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a game chat feels uncomfortable
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someone asks them to keep something secret
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they are unsure whether something is safe
Children benefit most when schools and parents use similar language and repeat the same core messages.
Watch for children who think “it is only a game”
Some children are more likely to take risks because they see online communication as part of play rather than a real interaction.
They may think:
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“It is only a game.”
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“It is just chat.”
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“They are probably my age.”
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“Nothing bad happened.”
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“I did not want to get anyone in trouble.”
That is why adults should avoid assuming a child understands the risk just because they are comfortable using the device.
Confidence with technology is not the same as safety awareness.
Children often need direct teaching, reminders, and supervision.
What to do if a child has already been chatting with someone online
If a child has already been messaging or chatting with someone in a way that worries you, stay calm.
Children are more likely to seek help again if they are not met with panic or shame.
Start by:
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reassuring the child that telling you was the right thing to do
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finding out what was said
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checking whether personal information was shared
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saving messages if needed
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blocking or reporting with adult help
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reviewing privacy and chat settings
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reminding the child what to do next time
The goal is not punishment first.
The goal is safety, support, and learning.
Final thoughts
Teaching children about online friends, in-game chat and messaging is an important part of modern safeguarding.
Children aged 5–10 do not need complex warnings. They need simple rules, clear examples, and trusted adults who help them understand that online contact should never involve secrecy, pressure, or sharing personal details.
When parents and schools teach these habits early, children are more likely to pause, speak up, and stay safer online.
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