Helping a child speak up about their feelings is one of the most important life skills adults can support between ages 5 and 10. At this stage, children are learning how to name emotions, ask for help, and express concerns safely.
This guide explains how to encourage open communication in calm, practical ways that build confidence rather than fear.
Why Children Sometimes Stay Silent
Children may not speak up because:
• They worry about getting into trouble
• They feel embarrassed
• They think adults are too busy
• They are unsure how to describe their feelings
• They fear not being believed
Understanding this helps adults respond with patience instead of frustration.
Teach the Language of Feelings
Many children struggle simply because they lack vocabulary.
Start with basic emotional language:
• Happy
• Sad
• Angry
• Worried
• Confused
• Excited
Expand gradually:
• Nervous
• Left out
• Frustrated
• Proud
• Disappointed
You can say:
“It looks like you might be feeling frustrated. Is that right?”
Giving language gives power.
Create Safe Conversation Moments
Children rarely open up during lectures.
Better times include:
• Bedtime chats
• Car journeys
• After reading a story
• While drawing or playing
Keep your tone calm and open.
Say:
“You can tell me anything. I will always listen.”
Model Speaking Up Yourself
Children learn by observing.
Model:
• Saying when you feel tired
• Explaining when something upset you
• Apologising when you make mistakes
This shows that expressing feelings is normal and safe.
Teach “Small Problem” vs “Big Problem”
Children need help understanding when to speak up.
Explain:
Small problems:
• Minor disagreements
• Small frustrations
Big problems:
• Feeling unsafe
• Being pressured
• Being hurt
• Being asked to keep uncomfortable secrets
Say:
“If something feels big or worrying, that’s when you tell a trusted adult straight away.”
Reinforce That They Will Not Be In Trouble
One of the strongest barriers to speaking up is fear of punishment.
Say clearly:
“You will not get in trouble for telling me the truth.”
Repeat this often.
Use Stories to Reinforce Confidence
Stories can make speaking up feel less intimidating.
Guy & Cesar’s Using Your Voice encourages children to recognise their feelings, trust their instincts, and seek help from trusted adults when something feels wrong. If you would like structured adult guidance to support conversations and observe emotional patterns, the Using Your Voice Adult Toolkit Pack provides step-by-step support.
Story-based conversations reduce anxiety and increase understanding.
Watch for Behaviour Changes
Sometimes children communicate through behaviour instead of words.
Look for:
• Sudden withdrawal
• Increased anger
• Sleep changes
• Avoidance of certain places or people
These signs may indicate a child needs support even if they are not speaking up yet.
Build a Trusted Adult Circle
Help children identify:
• Parents or carers
• Teachers
• School safeguarding staff
• Other safe adults
Encourage them to name at least three trusted adults they could speak to.
Final Thoughts
Helping a child speak up about their feelings is not a one-time conversation. It is an ongoing process of reassurance, language-building, and emotional safety.
When adults remain calm, consistent, and open, children learn that their voice matters.
